I thought this was quite a good analogy of how I can tend to live my life. Do I ever quite enjoy things as they are, or is my eye constantly drawn to what is not, or what is not quite right? (In the past, I have had to learn to curb this tendency, as my first response to any written piece was to point out all the spelling mistakes and grammar problems - I could spot them before I had read the page!)On a similar note, a more recent discussion in our house has been about work related issues, where the response to criticism was a counter of "but you're seeing the glass as half empty". The reply was, "It doesn't matter whether the glass is half full or half empty. If you're offering me poison I still don't want it, and am certainly not giving it to others!"
In our schools, particularly primary schools, there has been a desire to encourage students and not to damage their fragile developing self-confidence. What led to, however, was everything being praised and mistakes left uncorrected. I read an article some time back that talked about the generation that has arisen from this. One of the problems is that there are many who cannot see that they need to work to improve and that they cannot just walk into the job they want because they want it. There is a lack of connection with how they view their abilities and the reality of their abilities.
Another example of this was from years ago in camp ministry. There was a girl who wanted to sing at the end of camp concert. She sang every year (not to mention the fact that she also had singing lessons). However, it was really unpleasant for everyone except her. As leaders, we had quite some discussion about this, wondering whether it was healthy to keep allowing her to live in this lie that she could sing (both her parents and the singing teacher told her how wonderful she was!), balanced with the knowledge that she would be devastated if we didn't allow her to perform. In the end, it was decided to be honest with her in the most loving way we could, because we felt it was an important part of her development.
I am also reminded of the idea that it takes something like eight praises to bring us back to the confidence we had before one criticism. How much responsibility do we need to take for this? And what is the balance?
Finally, though, I realise that the issue here probably has less to do with the balance of praise and criticism, and is more about what we actually base our worth on. As Christians, we like to state that we believe our acceptance and love from God is because we are His creation, and because of Christ's death for us. However, much of our subsequent behaviour seems to point to our value and worth coming from what we do.
You don't need to look far to see what I mean. How much do we give accolades to those who "make a name" out in the world, those who have written best selling books, who head up mega churches, who are prolific song writers or make it onto reality TV as singers and so on. I am reminded of the way in which many a guest preacher has been treated, (like royalty), in larger churches, protected from having to rub shoulders with the general congregation at any level, and at times, even venerated.
In Luke 14 Jesus is eating with some Pharisees and He addresses this very issue in a slightly different context. His setting is observing the way in which people seat themselves at a dinner party, taking the places of honour. The subsequent parables and other teachings show quite clearly those who were to be given the greatest honour - those who start with the least honour, or the "least of these", which would appear to include those who are less able, in poverty, insignificant, unlovely, young, despised and strangers, to name a few.
Returning to where I began, the issue is that my self-judgement can so often reflect more of how I think the world sees me, rather than being based on what God thinks of me. And I am all too aware that if my worth is all about what I do and how I think others perceive me, I will be trapped again in the bondage of continually looking for the next top up, either through my achievements, their accolades, or both. I have found that there is a place where I am loved without having to perform, that I am acceptable, even with morning breath and weeds in my garden, and I am always welcome, if I will just stop and abide a while with Him.
