It has got me thinking about the variety of subtle means I use to enhance my deafness. It can be a simple as decreasing the amount of alone time with God, to carefully sculpting that time to be filled with activities that minimise my ability to hear. I can fill the time with worship and prayer and reading from devotionals or even other people. Or I may just be too busy to spend quiet time with Him at all. Sometimes, it is just that I straight out don't like what I hear, so reject it out of hand. I am reminded of a friend who was struggling with not hearing from God on a certain topic. As we talked, I realised that the issue was not God's silence, but that He had already said something, and He hadn't changed His mind, much to the disappointment of my friend, who was looking for a different answer.
Another way I can dismiss what God is saying is to dismiss the messenger. This might be because I simply don't like them, they are not "spiritual" enough, or they have not always behaved in ways I deem appropriate in the past (or in the case of Oswald, they have been dead for nearly one hundred years - surely he is no longer relevant?). I know that God has challenged me by who He uses to bless me or speak into my life on multiple occasions. It is not always easy to respond in a positive manner to God, when my emotions are being prickled, but maybe that is also part of His point. I need to deal with my attitude to others as well.
Another way I can dismiss what God is saying is to dismiss the messenger. This might be because I simply don't like them, they are not "spiritual" enough, or they have not always behaved in ways I deem appropriate in the past (or in the case of Oswald, they have been dead for nearly one hundred years - surely he is no longer relevant?). I know that God has challenged me by who He uses to bless me or speak into my life on multiple occasions. It is not always easy to respond in a positive manner to God, when my emotions are being prickled, but maybe that is also part of His point. I need to deal with my attitude to others as well.
As I reflect on this, I am aware of the fact that I also have some 'no go' zones in my time with God. My response may be as obvious as "I will think about that later" to simply not allowing certain topics to rise to full consciousness. If I don't ask the Holy Spirit to reveal these things to me, it can be quite easy (at times) to ignore anything God might have to say on the topic.
For me, the antidote to all this is accountability to another human. At the moment, I am finding a spiritual director a good start. In other scenarios it can be a spouse or close friend, or even a life group. I have to put myself in a place, though, where I can't wriggle away from what God is saying. And then, of course, there is the question of whether I will chose to obey Him when I do allow what He is saying to penetrate. But perhaps that is a question for another blog.
For me, the antidote to all this is accountability to another human. At the moment, I am finding a spiritual director a good start. In other scenarios it can be a spouse or close friend, or even a life group. I have to put myself in a place, though, where I can't wriggle away from what God is saying. And then, of course, there is the question of whether I will chose to obey Him when I do allow what He is saying to penetrate. But perhaps that is a question for another blog.
