"It’s not the jeans!"
The knife edge men walk when it comes to assessing a woman’s appearance is a well-worn joke. If I tell her the truth that she doesn't look her best, will she be mad because she really likes the outfit/hairdo? If I tell her she looks great will she be mad because she doesn’t really feel good about the said outfit/hairdo, and she doesn't think I am being sincere or honest? Is there actually a correct answer to the question?
And, as a woman, I have to admit that although I hate insincerity or flattery, or even plain placation, sometimes the truth can be just as unpalatable. I just want you to make me feel good, even though it’s not your responsibility and it rarely works anyway. If I am feeling dissatisfied with myself, it really doesn't matter what you say, I will still feel that dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, sometimes we would rather make someone else the scapegoat than take responsibility the change we need to make ourselves.
Reading the book of Ezekiel in the Bible, I was struck that this is not a new problem. In fact, in chapter 13, God is talking to Ezekiel about His frustrations with false prophets, who persist in telling the people what they want to hear instead of speaking the truth (in love, of course!). He says that they keep saying “Peace”, where there is no peace.
God goes on to tell Ezekiel that they have rebuilt the wall of Jerusalem in a very flimsy fashion and then covered it over with a nice coat of whitewash (or mortar, depending on which version you read), and said, “What a great wall we have, that will keep us safe from any threat that probably won’t come anyway. Doesn’t it look wonderful?!” [My adaptation].
I am reminded of a few years back when I was involved with putting together a publication in the form of a magazine. Many people came and said how wonderful and fantastic it looked, and I wondered why I felt frustrated by these comments. After reflection, I realised that the questions I wanted answered were whether it met our aim, whether it would achieve what we wanted it to, was it useful?
Part of the problem is that we so easily focus on the surface of what we see, and, obviously, are attracted to that which we believe beautiful. However, beauty and attractive looks can cover a multitude of other less desirable traits. In fact, a number of studies have shown that people deemed to look more attractive are perceived as being more trustworthy, more caring, sociable, intelligent and even more morally upright than the rest of society. I am not sure where the cut-off lies as to who is in and who is out, though!
Anyway, in His discussion with Ezekiel, God said He was going to send a big storm with torrents of rain, hailstones and violent winds, and then they would see the reality of the “wall”. He said the people would then ask the prophets, “Where is the whitewash you covered it with?”
We may interpret this as a reflection of the shallowness of the community, that all they cared about was the paintwork. Or perhaps it's one of those cultural anomalies or even simply sarcasm. "Your wall wasn't even good enough to hold up whitewash." Whichever way we read it, the message is clear. You might think you can get away with “doing a whitewash job”, hiding the truth of shoddy work and half-baked schemes, but when the test comes the facts will be out there for everyone to see.
Of course, there are numerous ways we could apply this to material aspects of life, particularly many of the “good looking” but substandard quality goods we buy today. However, as per usual, I find myself questioning the application to my character and behaviour.
Two questions came to mind.
The first is whether my “wall” of protection will withstand storms? What beliefs do I have (or not have) that are my anchor in difficult times and can they survive bad stuff happening to me? Do I have enough experiences of God’s goodness/love/strength/mercy (for example) to be able to hold onto to that in the middle of circumstances that would seem to scream that He is not good/loving/strong/merciful?
The second was more introspective. Where am I using whitewash to cover up the flimsiness of my walls? An example of this is when I pretend to myself and the world that everything is ok, when it is not, perhaps simply going through the motions in my relationship with God (and others) instead of being real with them. Where are the places in my life that I have built up a façade of strength and wholeness which have weak foundations or little substance?
Getting real and facing truths is often uncomfortable, though, just as it was uncomfortable for the Israelites to admit their wrongdoing and wrong relationship with God and the world. However, living in denial and hiding my truth, continually worrying that I will be found out for a fraud isn’t much fun either. Working through the pain of healing and restoration to ever deeper levels, though, I realise that it is worth it, and I wouldn’t exchange the freedom on the other side for the smallest backside in the world!
